oops

update on life an why i kinda abandoned this thing:

  • got diagnosed with bpd
  • gettin treatment for bpd
  • workin an 8-5 job because its summer an i dont have classes
  • boyfriend is visitin next month
  • havin little panic attacks every day
  • crippling loneliness
  • intense fear a rejection that fuels the loneliness because im too scared to talk to people
  • had a panic attack at work last week an almost cried in front a my boss an then had to leave the buildin to see a doctor an calm down
  • dealin with my friends suicide was really really hard ok an its still hard
  • depression comes an goes an i kinda stopped givin a shit about showin off the things ive made

also ive been so lonely that ive been thinkin about tryin to pay people to talk to me? so if anyone wants to skype id really like that. ..text, not voice, voice scares me. my skype is knittinnapoleon an id REALLY like some new friends???? so yeah talk to me

current projects

two days ago i finished a fingerless glove an a COURSE i forgot to take a picture of it before i gave it to the person i made it for, but heres the pattern for it anyway. as a side note for that pattern MAKE SURE YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THE WEIGHT AND GAUGE. i didnt because it was like “makes a womens small glove” an i was like “wow ok so i guess ill just use worsted weight yarn with size 5 needles” BAD IDEA DO NOT PASS GO. the glove was so huge that i had to give it to my dad, who has fuckin yaoi hands an the gloves were STILL massive. DONT DO IT PAY ATTENTION TO THE THING. i dont know how big exactly a “womens small” is but if i try this pattern again ill just make one a those

right now though im pickin up my sewing machine again an tryin to make a pattern. well see how that goes when i test out the pattern i spent ALL DAY makin yesterday on some felt

update

no one even follows this thing but in case anyone cares the shit ive been dealing with includes:

  • my oldest friend, the only friend id been able to keep for more than a year or two, who id known for ten years, shot herself in the face with a shotgun an i only found out she actually did it after findin her obituary
  • i probably have borderline personality disorder an im tryin to get to the bottom a that with professional help
  • i broke up with an then got back together with my boyfriend because nothin was wrong with the relationship an that fuckin scared me shitless so i pushed him away an ended it but were together again like i said
  • loads of mood swings that sometimes involve cryin in public or screamin at my loved ones an throwin shit
  • bein afraid to go outside
  • still not havin any friends at school because im petrified of everyone an everything
  • getting registered with the disabilities office at my school because im pretty fuckin psychologically handicapped
  • bein terrified a going home
  • bein scared a myself because i cant always save myself from… myself

i still knit & crochet sometimes but i had to take a break because i think im startin to get carpal tunnel because my technique is godawful so im tryin to learn continental

i really dont care enough to upload anything new though especially since i never come on tumblr anymore. i guess i just wanted to get shit out somewhere

for now im gonna go back to playin wow. i play on the private excalibur server if anyone wants to play with me. thatd be really great actually i want to make more online friends because i cant make in-person ones so yeah if you wanna play with me thatd be cool. ive got two characters i play on right now, Aidanus (55 mage) and Adrion (34 priest) so send me a thing

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